Women often make mistakes of blaming a failed relationship to men. After much study, I came to the conclusions that women have a big role to play in a failed relationship or a failed marriage. In this article, I brought to light 10 signs every woman should watch out for in their partner. These signs are red flags that should be taken as a serious warning that the man is moving on and he’s leaving her behind to find love in the arms of another woman. In my next article, I will write about how to avoid and mend a broken relationship before it’s too late to mend.Oluwadamilola Oyebanji
1. He comes home late
Men are very romantic and fun to have around when they are in love with their partner (fiancée or spouses). A man will always rush home to meet his beautiful partner when he’s in love with her because he finds peace and companionship with her. I know of a certain man that comes home to the arms of his loving and beautiful wife every day after work, his friends teased him for being whipped (meaning he’s hopelessly in love) until he met another woman. At first, he kept his home so that his wife wouldn’t suspect anything but gradually he changed. It started from his late night coming, picking calls at unholy hours, chatting on his phone continuously with a smile plastered on his face whenever he chats. This same man that hurried home to meet his loving wife and couldn’t get enough of her became a man that isn’t in a rush to go home so he could spend time with his girlfriend before coming home late in the night.
- There’s another woman keeping his bed warm and pleasuring him in ways his partner couldn’t.
- He has found solace in the arms of another.
There are several things a woman can do to win his man back:
- First, ask yourself where you have gone wrong. To take this step, you must be ready to change too, to fight for your man.
- Second, make a list of the things you used to do to keep your man happy before you noticed the changes.
- Third, go through the list, If you have neglected your duties as a lover (not only as a wife), then you need to retrace your steps. But, if you are still the loving wife, then step d is for you.
- Go for a changeover, not only a physical changeover but a mental and romantic change-over. It means, change your look by paying attention to your skin, hair, nails, face, clothes, make-up, perfume, shoes, body weight (shape), if you can, join a gym and give yourself a great body with curves in the right places.
Finally, you have to first be at peace with yourself to give peace to others, so if you’re mentally stressed or you aren’t happy, seek help first. There are several ways to seek help:
- Go to your psychologist.
- Talk to a good friend that has listening ears.
- Speak to your mentor about how you feel.
- Find a role model that has a beautiful and great relationship with her partner and learn from her success story.
- Seek the face of God to rediscover your inner peace.
- Go for a few days’ vacation, if you can afford it but come back rejuvenated and ready to face your man with a positive outlook on life.
2. Always giving excuses
Men are egoistic and like to impress their women when they are in love. Also, a romantic man will remain romantic except he changes and nothing changes a romantic man like:
- Financial instability
- Decline in his lover’s physical appearance
- Nagging lover among others.
If you have a man that has a sexually active relationship with you but suddenly seldom touches you or spends less time with you, that man has shifted his interest to other stuffs, such as sport, career, new lover (especially this). This is a red flag for danger and women should act quickly because men that give excuses to avoid their responsibilities have developed questionable character. For instance, if you man picks your calls anytime of the day, creates time to spend with you or has a particular responsibility he takes care of for the sake of the relationship, suddenly started giving you excuse not to do these things. Watch out!
If you love him enough and want to keep the relationship intact, change the situation. Every woman has the power to make things happen if they want to. So, tape into your inner strength and sexuality to bring out the real man you once knew. You can still correct the situation before it gets out of hand.
- Some men develop much attachment to their work, career, talent, sport, travels, etc.
- While some give excuses not to spend time with their fiancé or wife because there’s another woman.
Either way, you need to act fast, if you want to keep your man and relationship.
- Communication- Have a talk with him to let him know how you feel about the many excuses he gives.
- Understanding- If he’s sincere with you on the reasons for the excuses he gives, give a listening ear and never argue or argue less than argument worsens the situation.
- Compromise- If his reasons are his work career, sports or talents, you need to learn to support him and create time to be his greatest fan (always ask him about his work career, talents or sport). Be supportive and it will amaze you at how much he would want to share with you or involve you in. Men prefer to take his supportive girlfriend to his favorite sport than a nagging wife. So meet him halfway even if you are a busy fiancee or wife. Always create time for your man.
- Choices- If the situation in No. D doesn’t apply to you and you discovered he’s having an affair with another woman then it is time to talk about it. Ask yourself, ‘do you love him enough to live with him after realizing he’s cheating on you?’ Or ‘You don’t know how to love him anymore after realizing he’s cheating on you.’ Now the choices are yours, but before you decide, search your heart for answers. If you didn’t find one immediately, no problem, give yourself time. Please don’t be too hasty to decide.
- Psychologist- Seek help if need be. Some women break down after discovering their men are cheating on them or because of the weight of managing their relationship and home while some are strong enough to handle the situation appropriately.
3. Never wants you to come around him.
When a woman lives apart from his partner because of work, sport, art or entertainment or any other businesses but never wants his fiancée or wife to join him on the trip, overseas or wherever he is… Then his attitude is questionable.
- A man who acts in such manners might have met another woman and wants her around him instead.
- Your man’s friends also reflect what he can do. There’s a saying, ‘show me your friend and I’ll tell you who you are’, this saying is true for some men as the friends they keep influences their actions.
- He engages in illegal activities and would want to keep his partner in the dark.
- Another possibility is DANGER. A man might be afraid to endanger his partner in a foreign country or region.
- Another woman is living with him as a stay-in-lover.
- He plans to divorce his wife so he could remarry.
- Always communicate with your man, either he’s around you or living far from you.
- Insist on a video call every time you call him.
- Call him at odd hours to find out about his welfare.
- Be the first person to call him in the morning, call him early to wake him up.
- In conclusion, be his companion, even though you don’t live together except you’re separated for good or divorced.
All the mentioned solutions would keep a man focused on his partner and family even though there are side distractions (flings), the man won’t go further than a one- night stand or will even maintain a devoted life with his partner only. But when a woman doesn’t create enough time for her man and relationship, the woman is creating enough space for another woman to take over.
4. Easily irritated
Does your man get easily irritated before you marry him? Or when you first met him? If yes, that means his irritated attitude is normal but if not, that means you should watch your back. It’s a warning signal so act fast.
Reasons: A medical condition causes mood swings and affects both man and woman. There are different medical conditions that causes mood swings, they are:
- If he’s having an affair with another woman.
- Another woman is pleasing him in ways his wife isn’t causing him to compare the two women.
- When a man suspects his partner of cheating, it affects his reasoning and his attitude towards her changes. A medical condition causes mood swings and affects both man and woman. There are different medical conditions that cause mood swings:
- Bipolar disorder- This is a medical condition that related to extreme change in emotions. It ranges from extremely happy condition to an extremely sad condition but seldom occurs and when it does; it occurs a few times a year.
- Cyclothymic disorder- This is a medical condition related to a mood swing, where emotions go up and down but are less severe. It is a mild mood swing disorder, though similar to bipolar disorder but not severe like bipolar disorder.
- Dysthymia disorder- This is a medical condition related to a chronic form of depression.
- Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) – It is a medical condition related to extreme sadness for a long period.
- Personality disorder- It is a medical condition that causes rapid changes in mood in a relatively short period. Mood can change at a brief interval.
If your man is going through any of this medical condition, you need to support him in finding help.
a. If a man has a mood swing problem, he needs to see a doctor. As his woman, you must be supportive and help him in the process to overcome the dysfunction.
b. If you are a woman who stopped taking care of herself, her appearance and outlook, you need to wake up and take charge of your look- clothes, hairstyles, shoes, perfumes, body weight and others. Ask yourself these questions- What attracted the man to you in the first place?
Is it love at first sight?
Is it your fashion sense?
Is it your wonderful sense of humor?
Is it your beauty or your good heart?
There must be something. So, you need to find the S- words (the something, peculiar to you to know how to approach your predicament). I would like you to know that every man prefers a good looking, clean woman with an impressive figure. If you aren’t paying attention to your look, you need to start now. First, do a make-over to give yourself a fresh look as what men see moves them. For instance a nicely shaped, beautiful lady will easily attract the attention of any man than a fat yet good-hearted woman. *I love and respect women on the plus size. I have been in their shoes before I worked on my weight by taking charge of my appearance. This has helped me build confidence in my marriage and my career and I’ve gain back the attention of my man and my clients. Every woman is beautiful but you can be fantastic when you take charge of your appearance because you will attract respect and beauty. So, invest in your look and you’ll get significant results in your career and relationship as beauty attracts beauty. Beauty Gives Birth to Beauty.
My theory is this; every woman must look great by taking charge of their hair, body, weight and looks, this gives them a great feeling inwardly that results to confidence. All these ingredients put together will lead to a great and balanced relationship.
Look great = Feel great = Act great = A balanced relationship
5. Always or sometimes secretive.
When men are secretive, it means something is going on. I would like to ask a few questions:
• When was the last time you had a one-on-one talk with your man?’
• When was the last time you paid him a surprised visit at work?
• When was the last time you helped him clean up his closet?
• When was the last time you supported him by going on business trips with him or becoming his greatest fan?
You need to take charge of your affairs to be on top of your relationship. Some women don’t even know their men’s place of work, or their men’s favorite color, meal or sport while some women are comfortable being a homemaker, a career woman, a fashion idol etc but forgot the essential aspect of their relationship- YOUR MAN!
Women’s negligence pushes their man to seek attention in the arms of another woman, a woman that has time to call him, text him, inquire about his welfare and desire him. You should know that being his partner means knowing your man very well. So, whenever he changes, you’ll quickly see the red flag and act promptly. A man needs attention, just like a child. A child will always crave for the love of his mother and when the mother embraces the child or gives the child attention, the child relaxes and feels safe in the arms of the mother. That’s how I would describe men in this article. Men are like a child that a mother needs to give her love, affection and attention to always therefore giving the child a sense of peace. Thereafter, the child would feel loved and safe in the arms of the mother.
Being a lover or wife means knowing your man very well, I mean knowing him in and out. If you know your man very well, you’ll quickly see the red signal when the man is secretive and act promptly. Red signals in relationships or marriages signify danger alert.
- He’s having an affair with another woman.
- He’s having an affair with his work (When men devotes themselves to their work solely and not concerned about their partner’s feelings)
- He’s involved in illegal business or involved in a shady deal.
- He might have a health issue that is fatal and doesn’t want to scare his partner or anyone.
- He’s having financial trouble or bankrupt.
- He plans a surprise party, gift or vacation for his partner and doesn’t want her to know ahead.
A. You need to know your man very well.
B. Trust him.
C. Love him unconditionally.
D. If (a) above is missing, start building a better relationship with your man to know him better.
E. If (b) is missing, you must talk about this with your man and also seek help by contacting your psychologist. You must trust your man and hold nothing against him, if not the relationship won’t work as trust the foundation of every relationship. It is an essential ingredient in a great relationship.
F. Loving and trusting your man doesn’t mean you should turn a blind eye to his misconduct. If he’s secretive, be quick to find out whatever it is as the reasons might not be that he’s having an affair with another woman. He might be sick or having financial difficulties.
G. If he’s having an affair, confront him immediately. If you’re not married, try to work it out with him after the confrontation but if he persisted in cheating on you, it’s wiser to leave such a relationship as a failed relationship is better than a failed marriage. The reasons there are a lot of failed marriages is because the woman turned a blind eye to their partner’s weaknesses and failed to know their man better before rushing into the marriage, vice versa.
6. Will never share fiancé or spouse’s pictures on social media
If your picture isn’t on your man’s social media pages, watch out. It’s a red flag for danger. Every man in love is proud to flaunt their partner to the public and the best way to show off is on social media. Men has several reasons they don’t tweet or post about their partner on social media. These are some reasons:
- He either wants a private life or tries to protect his and his partner’s identity.
- He’s a player and doesn’t want other women to know he has a serious relationship.
- He has another woman he’s lying to about his status on his social media pages.
This is simple. My question is direct. First, do you tweet or post about your man? Do you share your happy moments with him on your social media pages? If yes, just tag him and vroom… everything you shared about the two of you would appear on his page. If he deletes or hides your post on his pages, then it’s time to talk about it with him.
7. Talk less about her
Some men are private and keep some topics ‘a no go area’, which means they aren’t comfortable discussing their personal lives. If you have that kind of man, please respect his view and stay happy with him. But if you have an outspoken man, who enjoys talking about you to everyone; his friends, colleagues, family and the public but suddenly stopped doing so! You need to watch out; it’s a red signal for danger as something has gone wrong.
• He’s a private person.
• He’s having an affair with another woman
• He’s under a threat and trying to protect his loved one.
A. If he’s a private person, respect his view to be private.
B. If he was never private about praising you in front of friends and families before but suddenly changed, then something is wrong. You need to find out about what it is and the best way to do this is through communication. Speak to him, if possible, speak with his close friends.
C. Study him outside when he’s with others to know if he’s outspoken on some topics.
8. He becomes aggressive
An aggressive man can become violent one day, so when your man behave aggressive, act fast by identifying the cause of his sudden change of attitude to correct it before it gets out of hand. There are several reasons for a man to behave aggressive to his partner and these reasons aren’t peculiar to every man, it varies in different men.
- When a man is going through duress at work or facing a business challenge.
- Drugs contribute adversely to the personality of an individual. So when a man doing drugs, he acts aggressive.
- Financial instability affects men’s mental state, putting them in a tense mood which causes them to act violently.
- A man having an affair with another woman changes his attitude towards his partner because his affection is divided or shifted from the partner to the other.
- A man who is a player will never give his heart to his partner except he falls in love. This makes him act unreasonably with any woman in his life that he doesn’t love.
- Jealousy- When a man is possessive; he becomes aggressive whenever he sees another man with his partner.
- Career or financial success of his partner. Some men envy their partner’s career or financial success because they aren’t as successful. So when the man’s partner comes home late from work or purchases items he couldn’t afford, he finds fault and become aggressive.
- A woman’s attitude also contributes to a man’s behavior or reaction. Men appreciates a submissive partner (It doesn’t make you unequal in any way, all it means is, a woman should show love and affection for his man) but when the partner is domineering, it gets to the man and makes him become aggressive at a point.
9. New fashion style or obsession
Men act like a new person when they are in love, so if he’s having an affair with another woman, it would surely show in his behavior. He must have been like that when he met you too. Although, it is great to see your man putting extra work into their physical appearance, career and health, unfortunately, those extra efforts might be for the sake of another woman. Therefore, when your man notes his physical appearance and spends extra time to work out, shop for designer wears, new haircut, change of dress style, admires himself in front of the mirror, new or change of cologne among others, you should be alert, that man has developed interest for someone special outside- A new woman.
Behaviors to show your man might have an affair:
- When your man continuously notes his physical appearance.
- He spends extra time to work out
- He shops for new cloths or designer wears even though his wardrobe is full.
- He had a new hair cut
- A change of dress style.
- He admires himself in front of the mirror.
- He spends more cash on expensive cologne.
- He wakes early for early morning exercise to keep fit.
- He registered for gym and works out.
10. Waned Intimacy
When a man stops or reduces the level of intimacy with his partner, it means three things. Before I speak about these three (3) factors that affect a man’s intimacy with his partner, I’ll like to ask a few questions:
- What was your relationship like with your man?
- Was he active romantically when you first met, when you were courting and when you got married?
- Does he surprise you by hugging you from the back when you’re cooking in the kitchen or when you’re unaware of his presence?
- Does he make you feel like a woman whenever you’re with him in the bedroom, in the living room, kitchen, outdoor and everywhere?
- Does he look at you with passion-filled eyes or wink at you to put a smile on your face?
If your man does all or some of the activities in the list above but suddenly stopped doing them, then his attitude is questionable.
- He might go through a rough time at work.
- He’s having financial challenges.
- He’s having a medical challenge.
- He’s tired of you.
- He’s having an affair with another woman.
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